My Love Life

Everyone thinks that I have been bestowed upon with a lover that is hard or possibly impossible to get in a world like that of today.May be they are right in their thinking.May be he is the perfect guy.May be he is the one every girl is looking out for.But trust me...listen to my side of story about so called "Long distance relationships" and I bet you will not want to get in that kind of commitment that brings you promises,but no fulfilment, brings you love but no expression,brings you trust but no faith.

It all starts with the three most common words "I love you" and ends in nothing but a long wait....a wait to be with them,a wait to do what you always wanted to do,a wait to hear them speak to you,a wait to even get a look back and finally a wait for them to talk to you like they talked to you earlier when you had just started going out....A wait that never seem to end and last indefinitely.

It started like that for me too.About 5 years ago from now,I made this incredible friend who was the sweetest person I had known then.A friend who didn't care about my looks,but my thoughts,who didn't care about how young I was to him but how my nature was. Slowly and steadily as time moved on , I left my school and went to college this friend of mine got a huge break of working in the US.Then it all started.We went to the destined places and started missing each other(as far as I know he missed me too..or atleast he pretended to miss me).

Then after 15 months, on one of his trips to India he came to meet me,and proposed me in a grown up style...with a ring...and that was acctually the moment of my life.You yourself can imagine being proposed by the love of your life in a way so romantic and so not realistic.It was a fairy tale to me and that was the time I realised that I had already fallen so much in love with that guy.

In the beginning it was all working out fine with the distance.30 mins of daily phone talk and I was near him more than I was to anyone else.I was waiting.Days became weeks,weeks became months,and months....years.But I was faithful to him all the time.It is not that I didn't have any other crushes ,any desires.It is also not that no one else has asked me out. Everytime I went to a restaurant,a movie,shopping, or anything there were couples. Even the college canteen was dating place...and watching all of them reminded me of no one but him.

I wanted to do all this with him. Watch movies,go out for lunch,dinner...ice cream... 5 years and our relationship has 2 movies,5 lunches,3 ice creams, and zero bike rides.Things that come for a normal couple in like some 1 month,it took us 5 long years to reach there.And even worse...all of my friends now have boyfriends...and it is well understood that once you have a boyfriend he is at the highest priority than anyone else.and you cant expect me to just remain at my hostel and do nothing on my holidays.

And of course America is a place to visit.What he had in his life then was many visits ... watching all of the america ...going out... and doing whatever he wanted to do...all the time.Friends and friends and friends keep him so much occupied that he hardly has time to think about me...or miss me...

I have been hearing from february to march to april to may to june just that one thing...."I am Coming back sweetheart" and then well made excuses and explanations for each cancellation.Am I not allowed to enjoy being in a couple?Or atleast feel that I am in a couple? Why cant you understand that you are much more than a status symbol for me....and as far as i believe I have waited really long,and now I deserve better.This is not a life that I deserve.I dont deserve to be left alone on new year's eve or sit alone in my hostel room on the valentine's day either.I deserve to see you atleast on my birthday.I deserve to make a cake for you on yours.I deserve to Atleast look you into your eyes when I say "I love you" and then I deserve to hear it back...It is not you or me who is killing the love,its the distance and cant you see that?

It has now been 16 months after that proposal.It all seemed to have changed so much.As if the understanding we shared has been lost.Or is it the effect of the distance.Whatever it is,the warmth that we once had has been zeroed down to nil.The way he talked to me then,the way he wanted to be with me....everything seemed to have changed so much.The talks have been reduced and so is the interest...

I dont know what road I have taken or what I am heading towards.I don't want to know whether everything will turn out right or not.I may have taken a way that has taken me far away from you.Or may be once you come back everything will turn out to be just in place.I am not sure...not sure at all...I admit it in front of everyone....I may not wait longer....this wait is killing me now and I dont think I can take the pain any longer.But I really love you and wish that there were not so many complications....I wish my life would have been simpler...with you by my side always...I wish our relationship was not such a "LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP" that you start taking me as your PHONE FRIEND instead of girlfriend.I dont want to just be a Phone number in your cell phone...Hope you'll understand what I mean.

Please Come Back soon.