Back to college

People believe that college life is the best part of one's life.The friends,the group,the bunks,the professers,the girlfrnds/boyfrnds and sometimes studies, all of these and much more makes up an individual's college life.No one can afford to forget the freshers party,or the farewell,the convocation,or the annual festivals of their college.Truly,college life is the best part of life for a few,and for the other lot like me,I hate being in college.

I am an engineering student.In India it is tough to get admission in a professional course,and tougher to get admission in the college like mine.B.E. is a degree of four years ,and I have already completed two.And now I am back to college for the Third,and I dont like being back in college.The reason?Read on,May be its your story too.

24 july 2006 was the golden date when I joined the college.I was really excited about the college life like every school child.I felt that college means growing up,and searching for the true identity of oneself. College to me was loads of fun,a bit of studies,haging out in canteen with frnds,bunking lectures and going for movies....in all everything that you would have wanted to do when you went to college.

I am an introvert,but somehow I managed to make 6 really good frnds here.Whom I trusted and still do a lot. Whom I believed could and would help me out in every situation.That was a lot to expect or may be it is not something to be demanded for in college .I dint know.I was new to college.

Then all 7 of us made frnds with a group of guys.And we had a HUGE group.And it was everything I ever wanted.A huge group with which I could enjoy the life at college.It was working all fine in the first few couple of moths.And then later on...Everything changed...or should I say annihilated.The issues are not to be discussed,but briefly,we all broke off, Specially I was kind of boycotted.I dont say that I was innocent,but I do say that I was not clever enough to prove my point.

So was the first year with many many fights amongst me and my frnds,differences,humiliation and that was not fun at all.Our group no longer remained mine and I lost all of my interest in college then.College life without frnds is lifeless. The enjoyment and fun we 7 frnds had in the lectures were lost. Some of us could not stand each other then and dint talk out anything.

But slowly and steadily things started falling in corerct places and all of us,7 of us,came back together.But the differences already created were difficult to overcome. The bitterness in mind was not easy to be erased.Still then,we are still together.It has been a long time and each one of us may not be comfortable with rest of us,but still we are together.Though all of us have found out the only ppl we want to share our secrets with.

Of The people we share our secrets with one of them is essentially our boyfrnds.The concept of Boyfrnds and girlfrnds in college looks fun only when we are not involved in any relation like that.Once we get into that its really hard to set one's priority to other things and giving time to other frnds.Weekends are devoted to dating and nights devoted to long phone chats.

In colleges,or as to say my college specially, many couples are formed just for the sake of being in a couple.Such things make me lose interest in the word Relationship as such.I dont understand who is trying to fool whom by roaming about in a couple they acctually dont belong to or have no longing for.

All these things make me lose interest in college and my life as a whole.The only good days that I have had during my college is the time of vacation in which I went back home.I dont know whether college would be able to teach me anything worth or not but definitely it has taught me the value of home and family and also taught me to be diplomatic. So I dont like being back to college but here I am to do another year of college BACK TO COLLEGE...

My Love Life

Everyone thinks that I have been bestowed upon with a lover that is hard or possibly impossible to get in a world like that of today.May be they are right in their thinking.May be he is the perfect guy.May be he is the one every girl is looking out for.But trust me...listen to my side of story about so called "Long distance relationships" and I bet you will not want to get in that kind of commitment that brings you promises,but no fulfilment, brings you love but no expression,brings you trust but no faith.

It all starts with the three most common words "I love you" and ends in nothing but a long wait....a wait to be with them,a wait to do what you always wanted to do,a wait to hear them speak to you,a wait to even get a look back and finally a wait for them to talk to you like they talked to you earlier when you had just started going out....A wait that never seem to end and last indefinitely.

It started like that for me too.About 5 years ago from now,I made this incredible friend who was the sweetest person I had known then.A friend who didn't care about my looks,but my thoughts,who didn't care about how young I was to him but how my nature was. Slowly and steadily as time moved on , I left my school and went to college this friend of mine got a huge break of working in the US.Then it all started.We went to the destined places and started missing each other(as far as I know he missed me too..or atleast he pretended to miss me).

Then after 15 months, on one of his trips to India he came to meet me,and proposed me in a grown up style...with a ring...and that was acctually the moment of my life.You yourself can imagine being proposed by the love of your life in a way so romantic and so not realistic.It was a fairy tale to me and that was the time I realised that I had already fallen so much in love with that guy.

In the beginning it was all working out fine with the distance.30 mins of daily phone talk and I was near him more than I was to anyone else.I was waiting.Days became weeks,weeks became months,and months....years.But I was faithful to him all the time.It is not that I didn't have any other crushes ,any desires.It is also not that no one else has asked me out. Everytime I went to a restaurant,a movie,shopping, or anything there were couples. Even the college canteen was dating place...and watching all of them reminded me of no one but him.

I wanted to do all this with him. Watch movies,go out for lunch,dinner...ice cream... 5 years and our relationship has 2 movies,5 lunches,3 ice creams, and zero bike rides.Things that come for a normal couple in like some 1 month,it took us 5 long years to reach there.And even worse...all of my friends now have boyfriends...and it is well understood that once you have a boyfriend he is at the highest priority than anyone else.and you cant expect me to just remain at my hostel and do nothing on my holidays.

And of course America is a place to visit.What he had in his life then was many visits ... watching all of the america ...going out... and doing whatever he wanted to do...all the time.Friends and friends and friends keep him so much occupied that he hardly has time to think about me...or miss me...

I have been hearing from february to march to april to may to june just that one thing...."I am Coming back sweetheart" and then well made excuses and explanations for each cancellation.Am I not allowed to enjoy being in a couple?Or atleast feel that I am in a couple? Why cant you understand that you are much more than a status symbol for me....and as far as i believe I have waited really long,and now I deserve better.This is not a life that I deserve.I dont deserve to be left alone on new year's eve or sit alone in my hostel room on the valentine's day either.I deserve to see you atleast on my birthday.I deserve to make a cake for you on yours.I deserve to Atleast look you into your eyes when I say "I love you" and then I deserve to hear it back...It is not you or me who is killing the love,its the distance and cant you see that?

It has now been 16 months after that proposal.It all seemed to have changed so much.As if the understanding we shared has been lost.Or is it the effect of the distance.Whatever it is,the warmth that we once had has been zeroed down to nil.The way he talked to me then,the way he wanted to be with me....everything seemed to have changed so much.The talks have been reduced and so is the interest...

I dont know what road I have taken or what I am heading towards.I don't want to know whether everything will turn out right or not.I may have taken a way that has taken me far away from you.Or may be once you come back everything will turn out to be just in place.I am not sure...not sure at all...I admit it in front of everyone....I may not wait longer....this wait is killing me now and I dont think I can take the pain any longer.But I really love you and wish that there were not so many complications....I wish my life would have been simpler...with you by my side always...I wish our relationship was not such a "LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP" that you start taking me as your PHONE FRIEND instead of girlfriend.I dont want to just be a Phone number in your cell phone...Hope you'll understand what I mean.

Please Come Back soon.

As You Grow

When the broken hearts are mended and the many tears are dried, you learn.When you are over the old boyfriends and girlfriends and you realise you can live without your first love,you learn.You see the world doesn't end just because you think it will,and sometimes growing up means letting go.You learn what real love is,and you begin to see a freind who really cares for you is better than a hundred friends who dont.
you learn you can be strong,take each day step by step,and survive every sad moment.So feel the pain and cry the tears,go out and experience life.But when you are at the end of your rope,and you are ready to jump off that legde,remember that heartache fades,pain subsides,and though life seems at times too tough to handle,its also too precious gift to waste,Keep on living,never give up,and remember :As you grow,you learn.